Tips for Surviving the Holidays

By Dena Yohe

   Holidays are the most difficult time of year for anyone in emotional pain, especially hurting parents. Dear worn out mom or dad, or grandparent, this is for you. If you feel like I did, your heart is full of heaviness and sadness over your child's struggles and destructive choices. They may struggle with any number of things: alcohol, drugs, pornography or sex addiction, gambling, self-injury or an eating disorder, mental illness, trouble with the law, same-sexual identity issues and more.

   I remember wishing I could skip the holidays altogether. I certainly didn’t feel festive. Do you? All we can think about is the last trauma or anticipate the next one. We wonder where God is and

how we’ll get through this so-called merry season. If you see one more joyful person you mightlose it. What are your plans for Christmas? they ask. All we want to do is disappear or crawl in a hole and hide until it’s all over. We simply want to survive until January 2nd.

   I’m sorry that your friends and family don’t get how hard this is for you. Please don’t blame them. They can’t understand if they haven’t been through a similar experience. Grief, fear, anxiety, worry, anger and resentment have a huge impact. You’re just so tired, crushed and broken. There’s no rest, no break from the pain. Some days it feels like it will never end. Oh, no, another Christmas holiday is right around the corner. How am I going to make it? You wonder.
   Ask yourself this question: “On a scale of 1 to 10 (1 being no stress and 10 being super stressful) how difficult will this holiday season be for me?”
   Take a few minutes to think about it. Why did you pick the number you did?
   God understands. He knows exactly how you feel.
   Here are a few tips you could try to lower your stress level this holiday season. I tried them and they helped me.

5 Tips for Surviving the Holidays:

1) Adjust or lower your expectations - this will help you be content no matter what happens. Maybe your child will be in a good mood, or maybe not; maybe they’ll call, or maybe not; maybe you’ll see them, or maybe not; they might give you a gift, but maybe not. Prepare your heart and if anything more happens than what you were expecting, then you will be pleasantly surprised.
2) Consider doing things differently - if your family traditions will only intensity your sadness or be too painful in light of your current situation, think about what changes you could make. There’s no rule that says you have to do things the same way you always have.
3) Avoid social media - hearing about your friends happy homecomings and family gatherings can make you feel worse. Why subject yourself to it? Take a break from Facebook until after the New Year. It might be very good for you.
4) Focus on others – look for a way to help someone who is hurting or lonely. Opportunities abound. Do something anonymously, if possible - that's extra fun. Helping others shifts the focus off yourself and brings joy to both you and them.
5) Be grateful – keep giving thanks no matter how bad you feel. Start a gratitude journal; include the smallest things; something you saw or heard, and not just big things: a sunset, a beautiful song on the radio, a good cup of coffee, etc.